All letters
No. 14October 3, 2026· The Long Obedience
The Marriage No One Sees
Your marriage is not a highlight reel. It is a thousand small decisions no one else sees. It is choosing to listen when you are tired. It is apologizing when you are right. It is staying when leaving would be easier. It is carrying the weight of another person's heart for decades, and some days it feels like you are doing it alone. This is the long obedience in the place that costs you the most, and it is the place where God does some of his best work.
Scriptures
- Ephesians 5:25-27
Paul tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, which means sacrifice that does not quit and does not keep score.
- 1 Peter 3:7
Peter tells husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way, which means paying attention even when you do not feel like it.
Guidance
Paul tells husbands to love their wives the way Christ loved the church. That means he gave himself up for her. He did not wait until she deserved it. He did not keep a list of her failures. He loved her when she was a mess, and he kept loving her until she became something beautiful. Your marriage is the same. You do not get to wait until she is easier to love. You do not get to check out because she does not meet you halfway. You love her because Christ loved you first, and you were a bigger mess than she will ever be. This is the long obedience in a place where no one is keeping score except you and God. The man who loves his wife for fifty years is not the man who never got tired. He is the man who kept choosing her when he was tired. He is the man who apologized when he did not want to. He is the man who listened when he wanted to fix. This week, do one small thing for your wife that she will not expect. Do not tell her you did it. Do not wait for her to notice. Just do it because you are the kind of man who keeps his word, and you gave her your word a long time ago.
Notes from the Watch
I have been married for over twenty years. Some of those years were easy. Most of them were not. The best thing I ever learned was to stop waiting for her to make it easy and start doing the next right thing whether she noticed or not. That is not heroic. That is just what you do when you mean your vows. If you are in a hard stretch right now, I am praying for you. Keep going. Jeremy
One move this week
Do one small, specific thing for your wife this week that she will not expect. Do not announce it or wait for her to notice. Just do it.